I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You pole danced in your parka.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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