I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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