Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
