can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize