Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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