im having a threesome with these popsicles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
