you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
