____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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