Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize