I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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