Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
