Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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