she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I FOUND THE LEGS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize