you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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