For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
