Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
