watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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