I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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