The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
