I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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