I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
