I puked a lego.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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