I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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