i don't like sucking hair
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
