Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
