eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize