Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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