Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
