new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
