Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize