I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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