So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
