dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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