So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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