haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
