Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
