Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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