My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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