I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
