Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
