So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize