You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
