i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
