There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
