long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
