Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
