To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
