There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
