I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
