I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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