oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
