dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
