One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
