cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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