Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't deserve a penis
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
