ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
