In the future we'll all be gay
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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