Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
