Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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