i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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