Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
