Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize