saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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