dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
