we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
