I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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