I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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